Reading Your Way to a Great Relationship

We are a reading family. One of the first conversations Matt and I had was about a book. You know when you meet someone there's a bit of awkwardness at first. You ask how they are, they ask what you do, you comment on the weather. Then, if you are kindred spirits, you hit a topic that rings true to both of you and the friendship is begun. For Matt and I it was the Chronicles of Narnia. Actually the conversation started because we ended up in the same vehicle while heading to a church service with a group of friends. The van we were in had a video player and someone had the bright idea to watch the infamous "Find Me a Woman" video. If you have no clue what this video is, well, how do I describe it? Let's just say, it was a home video several friends and I did as a joke for a single friend. Needless to say, I had no desire for someone who didn't really know me well to watch that video. So to distract Matt from the video I asked him if he enjoyed reading. The rest, as they say, is history.

And so we read. Before we had children Matt and I read aloud together. The first book I read aloud to Josiah was "The Two Towers". I was nursing him every 2 - 4 hours and so for something to do I would read. I thought why not read aloud? And so I did, he ate, I read. Micah got to hear the Ben Carson story entitled, "Gifted Hands". I don't suppose there is a child alive who doesn't enjoy being read aloud to. It works out nicely that I enjoy reading aloud. That's one reason I love Summer so much. We get to read. Throughout the school year we read aloud, but we usually only have time for 30 mins to an hour 3 or 4 times a week. In the Summer we can read in the morning and then after lunch and again before bed. So far this Summer we have digested several Hardy Boys Books (I confess, Matt reads these and I pretend to listen. The plot lines are a little too predictable for me. Not to mention, I feel so sorry for poor Chet.)

Stuart Little

The Indian in the Cupboard

The Return of the Indian

The Sign of the Beaver

The Matchlock Gun

Currently we are reading Ben and Me

Various short stories

Various lapbooks

Reading aloud is not only a great way to ignite the flames of learning for your children, it boosts their vocabulary. My favorite benefit from reading aloud though, is the bonding that takes place. In our world it's so easy for families to be disconnected. Each individual is doing their own thing, in their own world. Reading aloud puts you in a room together, most likely cuddled up. You are sharing an experience. And if you choose the right books, you have lots of opportunity for discussion. For instance in The Sign of the Beaver, we talked about being teachable, trustworthy and responsible. We talked about making judgements before really knowing a person or situation. Valuable character lessons and opportunity to transfer your values can come from reading good books.

If you don't believe me on the merits of reading aloud, check out the studies done by Jim Trelease. We don't just read aloud because Mr. Trelease says so, but he does give a lot of evidence for the educational benefits. And so I would encourage you to curl up with your kiddos and a good book. It is another tool to building those strong relationships with them that will pay off now and in years to come.

Hello

I've written, or attempted to write two blogs in the past 4 or 5 weeks. Each time blogger was slow and wouldn't post or I couldn't cut and paste as needed....on and on it goes. So here is try number 3. I really don't have anything too profound to say except that I miss blogging.


I've been inspired of late to blog more about my journey of parenting. I can hear all my single or non-parent readers groaning. I'm sorry in advance and will not be in the least offended if you choose to skip reading any posts that have "mommy content". In fact, I plan to always tag them clearly so that you know which posts to avoid. :) I've done a bit of traveling this year and I've run into a few women out there that feel alone. Don't get me wrong, they are surrounded by people, but it seems not a lot of people are really parenting on purpose these days. I am blessed to have several friends and family members who encourage me on this journey of molding my boys. I gain so much wisdom from other's input. And so for those who are feeling a bit like an island and for my own growth I'm going to address parenting issues more often.



In other news, Matt and I went to see the musical based on the Wizard of Oz entitled "Wicked" last weekend. It was so fascinating. Great music and acting are pretty much expected. And our expectations were met and surpassed. There were a few themes and songs that elicited some lively brain activity for us. I always walk away from something like that thinking, "I wonder what the writer was trying to communicate?" It's so easy to read, watch, or listen through the filter of my worldview. And so I can end up "translating" messages into my language. Or I end up accepting the writers premises without thought. That's why I hesitate to watch anything in passive mode. I want to understand what goes into my brain, because I've learned that what I feed my brain shapes my thinking and my values. For instance, in one scene Elphaba (green witch) meets the "Wonderful Wizard of Oz". As you know, he is far from wonderful. He is a charlatan, to say the least. However, he argues that he is wonderful because people think that he is wonderful. In short, truth and reality are defined by popular opinion. Sounds a bit dicey to me. Elphaba argues, but is eventually drawn by his ideas due to her own longing for other people's approval. In the end, she escapes his influence and goes on to do what she believes is right in spite of other's opinions. I still walk away wondering if the writer sided with Elphaba or The Wizard. Finally, the Wizard is punished, but he is punished by a "leader" whose good reputation and is based on popular opinion and not on reality or truth. So what makes the new leader better than the last? Hmmm? Good question.


So would I go again? Yes I would. Like I said, the music was mostly wonderful, the acting was all wonderful, and the story was so very clever. Just be sure if you do go, do not check your brain at the door. I'd love to hear what you think about it.

Cause and Effect

Dear Reader;

I've written 2 times since I last posted. And yet, still it is the "Monster Tree" you come back to every time you visit. The first post I wrote, I wrote while I was in a very emotional state. If there is one thing I have learned, it is to wait and think before I speak when my emotions and hormones are walking hand in hand. Fortunately, I did wait and saved you the burden of my spewing. The other post I wrote was a lovely Christmas/2009 overview letter. It took me a full hour to write it and alas, I was thrown off the Internet and blogger had not saved my draft. Obviously, I was too disheartened to try writing that one again.

So here we are today. A theme keeps coming back to me and so I will attempt to share with you where my thoughts have been this week. Through a myriad of differing situations, the reality that what we do right now effects where we will be in the future has been glaring me in the face. How we think right now, will impact where we are tomorrow. What we value this moment, will effect our contentment now and in the future. I was trying my best to communicate this idea to my 6 year old today. Not an easy task. I placed a small red stool in the middle of the room. Then I placed a package of hole reinforcement stickers(what I had handy) on the floor next to me. Very dramatically I said, "Oh I really want that package on the red stool." I went on and on about how badly I wanted this. I looked at Josiah and said, "I really want the hole reinforcers to be on that stool, why isn't it happening?" He thought his mother had lost her mind and said, "Because you haven't picked it up and put it on the stool." I said, "Oh but I really want it to be on the stool, isn't that enough? Or do you think that what I do shows more what I desire than what I say? If I really want the package on the stool I have to cause it to happen. I have to pick it up and make my actions match my words. If I say the words, but don't do the action, my words are meaningless."

I think about how where I am right now, is a result of the good and bad choices I made earlier in life. I was a "good" kid in school, but I was a lazy kid. My junior and senior years of high school I was late nearly every morning to my first period classes. I hardly studied, I slid by on "average" grades when I could have done so much more. The result today? Well, I still struggle getting anywhere on time, especially in the morning. I'm working on it, but years of habitual lateness doesn't go away without a lot of struggle. I'm having to teach myself about civics. Poor Mr. Jones was there every morning of my senior year teaching his heart out. Planting in the other student's brains things that I really wish I had a better grasp on today. Now I'm reading and trying to learn on my own things I could have learned from Mr. Jones had I been on time or even awake enough to listen. Time management and personal discipline are a constant uphill climb for me. How much better would life be now, had I started these kinds of disciplines earlier in life.

On the other hand there are some great things I learned too. For instance, at some point in my adult life I started studying people. Where they were, how they got there. I asked a lot of questions. I listened as much to how they lived, as I did to what they said. When Matt and I were getting to know each other, we looked around at marriages we thought seemed healthy and happy. We went to those people and we asked them what they did to get where they were. We listened and we applied what they suggested. We understood if we wanted what they had, we had to follow a similar path to get there. We did the same thing with parenting. We didn't just listen to philosophies, we looked at results. We watched families that seemed to have children who really loved God, had good relationships with their siblings and with their parents and were pleasant and thoughtful of others. We talked with these parents, asked their advice. As we have parented, we have tried to apply what we learned from these godly examples. We know that if we want the effect that we've seen in their families we have to cause it to happen by following their examples. It goes without saying that their examples pointed us to Jesus and a strong dependence on Him.

And so I am reminded again today of my new list of desires. If I want to know the heart of God , I have to study His word and seek His mind. If I want strong relationships, I have to trust and be vulnerable. If I want well educated kiddos, I have to do the hard work to educate myself.
If I want my boys to become godly men, I have to be a godly woman. If I want to be/stay debt free, I have to sacrifice temporary pleasures. If I want to fit in that new dress, I have to set the cookie down. :) The list can go on and on from my deeper more serious desires to the lighter more shallow ones. The bottom line is, there is a cause and effect relationship to where we are in life. It's up to me to seek out what it is I believe would please God and then follow hard after that, no matter how difficult that path may be. If not, I'll end up somewhere very far from where it is I say I want to be.

I hope this encourages you today. It sure has helped me to see it written here. I am determined to press hard toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Disclaimer: I know in life there are times when things are thrown at us that are not the direct effect of choices we have made (ie the death of a child etc...). However, at this point in my understanding, I believe that how we respond and react to the unexpected things life throws at us is a result of our perspective. And therefore, is the effect of the choices we have made in the past to trust God etc...

The Monster Tree

Matt's Aunt and Uncle own Shenandoah Tree Farm. It is practically a sin in his family to own an artificial tree, but in the past we have been given artificial trees and it seemed an "unnecessary" expense to buy a "disposable" tree. Then we had the "cat" incident last year that forced us into the "real" tree phase of life. A phase we may not be able to recover from until the boys are old enough to be OK with a fake tree again.

So on Saturday we went out to Uncle Terry and Aunt Iva's to pick out a tree. On the way there Matt and I were discussing what kind of tree to get. Should we get long needle, short needle, pre-cut, well, the list could go on and on. Neither of us had really strong opinions, but our minor opinions were not on the same page so we left it up to the boys. First mistake. :) After inspecting the pre-cut trees, and I mean Josiah really inspected them. The boys decided we needed to ride the train out to the field to check out the trees there. Within 2 minutes of getting off the train Josiah had spotted the monster tree. Micah thought it perfect and the "chainsaw boy" was called to fell Pineasaurous.

It really isn't an ugly tree, but it is tall and fat. If we had a three story, 4000 sq. ft. house it would be perfect. As it is, our little living room ceiling is going to have sap on it, of that I'm sure. When you walk in our front door the first, yea, the only thing you see is THE TREE!!!! The boys are more than thrilled. The needles are long and loose and I'll be picking them out of the carpet for months to come. But alas, as a Mommy I have to say no to so many things, I'm trying to say yes when I can. I quickly died to the idea of the big bushy behemoth and it's "hair loss" and enjoyed our boy's delight. We even let them decorate it. The bottom half of "Treezilla" was over decorated, due to the fact that the boys could only reach about half-way up it.(Micah put 7 ornaments on one branch.) I confess, on Monday while the boys were doing some school work I did sneak out and rearranged a few ornaments. I even added some ribbon to finish her off. They never noticed the changes. And while the tree is far from beautiful, it is better.

And so that is the story of our Christmas Tree. I suppose if we had gotten the beautiful 6ft., short needled, skinny one we wouldn't have all these fun memories.

Awesome Responsibility.

It's easy to forget what an awesome responsibility it is to be a parent. I can get so caught up in healthy meals, clean bodies, and strong minds that I forget I'm shaping an individual with an eternal soul. How they think, what they think, how they relate to others and God largely depends on what I teach them and how I live.

This morning I was working with Micah on a Thanksgiving project. We have been studying parts of speech so I thought we would make a diary of thankfulness. We talked about a noun being a person, place, thing or idea. I asked Micah to name something or someone in each category for which he was grateful. In the "person" category Micah said he was thankful for God and Mommy. I asked him to list a few adjectives that describe God. He gave me a list of descriptors for God. I then asked him to list some adjectives that describe Mommy he said, "Well, maybe the same things."

Wow, the responsibility of being God's representative to my children hit me again in a very real way. Having a casual attitude toward parenting seems terribly irresponsible in light of the reality that is going on in the hearts and minds of my boys. It isn't only parents who are God's representatives on earth though, each of us who claim His name are charged with the responsibility of representing Him well. Having a casual attitude about our behaviors and attitudes seems equally irresponsible in light of the reality that we are the only Jesus some people will ever see.

Crying Dragons

We were listening to "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" AGAIN last night(this is in the top 10 of favorite stories to listen to at our house). When we got to the following part, I almost cried(I always do). It rings so true to my own experience of God changing me from a beast into a "real girl". The process of learning to be honest with myself and seeing things in my life that were "beastly" was painful. But my Father loved me too much to leave me in my beastly state and though the process was painful He has made me new. And He is continuing to tear away layers and show me myself as I am willing and able to see reality. He continues to conform me into His image or dress me more beautifully every day. I'm so very thankful for that.
"Then the lion said, 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. ...Then he caught hold of me and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything, but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain was gone. After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me in new clothes." Eustace on his experience of being changed from beast to boy by the great lion Aslan in c.s. Lewis' "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader".

The Road to Becoming

An update seems in order. This summer was good and busy. I did a lot of mowing, the boys did a lot of growing, and Matt did a lot of working. Mode Camp was a highlight for us this summer,as usual. The boys would just as soon trade in the 4 bedrooms and 2 baths for the 10 X 10 cabin and outhouses. Cousin Savannah joined us this year for camp and it was such a joy to have her. She's such a ray of sunshine. Matt and I worked with the youth again this year. What an amazing group of young people they all are. Josiah broke his collar bone on the last Friday of camp. He was so brave. He's doing fine now.

Now summer is gone, and it seems to have taken the sun with it. The rain is falling and the wind is blowing. The trees are more bare everyday. With each season comes it's own joy though, so I'll try hard not to dread winter. :) We started school again on Labor Day....seems twisted, but one must labor even on Labor Day. Micah started school officially this year. It's interesting home educating a second child. How do you answer the "what grade are you in" question? He's been "sitting in" with Josiah for two years. His work spans about 3 grades, tough to "place" him. He loves school though and is eager to learn. Siah is doing well with his studies too. He started Karate this year as well, he REALLY loves that. He also has a new violin teacher, as our dear Mrs. Mellado is in the process of retiring. Miss. Guan is a very thorough teacher. We have grown to love her as well.

I am also in the process of learning. I know this is a life time pursuit, or at least it should be. My mind has been turning over the process of "becoming". New forces enter my life as I age and circumstances change. These forces act as a mirror to my soul. I find myself questioning and analyzing my heart. Holding it up to the light of Christ. Overwhelmed at times, as the force of my flesh is so powerful. I am not hopeless though. I recognize that it is my Father's great heart and great love for me, that compels Him to ask more of me than what just comes natural. He shows me reality. Ugly as that is at times. It tells me that He has no intention of leaving me as I am, broken and helpless. He calls me to surrender daily to trust and overcome, to become.

It's so tempting to want to just be, without the discipline of becoming. My flesh kicks against the hard work of self control and self sacrifice. The obvious is that I'm not "making" myself. I know I will never "discipline" myself into His image. However, I also know He calls me to do my part, to partner with Him in my metamorphosis.

And so I am feeding my mind on verses like Ephesians 4:13-16 ...13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fulness of Christ. 14 As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love. And Philippians 3:8-16 8 More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ, 9 and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, 10 that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; 11 in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. 12 ¶ Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect, but I press on in order that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; 16 however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained.

That's a lot for me to think on, so I'll leave you with that.

An Open Letter to My Blog

Dear Blog;

I miss you. I'm too busy, too lazy, and too Facebooked to pay attention to you, but really I do miss you. I miss the real conversation, the real thinking, and the real sharing that you offer. I won't make promises or plans, I'll just say that I'm feeling motivated. The "fastfood" of FB is leaving me hungry for the "meat and potatoes" of blogging. My appetite is wetted, we'll see what pans out.


Best Regards,

Julia

Happy Independence Day!!

On July 3rd Keith and Rachel hosted an Independence Day party for our church family at Fink's house. Rachel cooked a delicious meal and Keith kept the fireworks coming. A great time was had by all.

A Newsy Summer Update

Summer! I love it. It's always a busy time for us, but mostly a good kind of busy. This week has been a little less busy thanks to the Ferguson girls. They have been very kind to come down and play with the boys while I mow. The boys love being with the girls and I can get more done more quickly knowing the boys are well supervised. Thanks girls!

Camp is quickly approaching. Matt and I are helping out with the Youth this year. We are working on lessons right now and I still need to revise the script for the play. It should come together pretty quickly though. We are so looking forward to leading the youth. They are such a great group of young people and we always enjoy "hanging out" with them.

Josiah and Micah are growing like weeks. They both spend MANY hours a week in our pool. Turning into very blond fishes basically. :) Josiah started Karate this spring and is loving it. He also has made the transition to a new violin teacher. It was a tough transition at first for he really loved his old teacher who retired. But, he is learning to love his new teacher too. His old teacher taught the Suzuki method and this new teacher teaches traditionally. I'm thankful for the Suzuki beginning though. Ms. Guan(his new teacher) comments on his "good ear for pitch". I know this is not a "natural" thing of Siah. As a toddler his singing was often monotone. However, the Suzuki training really helped with that. However, I do think the time was right for him to move on to more focused site reading. And he is adapting well. Although he misses "playing songs" as he is mainly working in a site reading book. The songs will come soon enough though.

Micah is still Micah and we love him for it. We call him our drama king. For a while he was getting up in the night a couple times a week. There was always some lame excuse. Finally, we put our "foot down" so to speak. We explained to him that he was to stay in bed unless he had to go potty or had an emergency. This is not only for our own sleeping comfort, but also for his safety(children roaming the house while parents are asleep? Not a good idea). He is sleeping better and so are we as a result. The other night though, actually about 4am we heard a knock on our bedroom door. Micah walks in and says, "I'm sorry for disturbing you, and I don't know if this is really important, but, (and here he starts to sound weepy) I keep trying to get my CD player to turn on and I try and I try and it just won't work and it's getting annoying!" Daddy led him back to bed explaining that this was, in fact, NOT important at 4am and it certainly wasn't an emergency.

Well, it's been awhile since I've done newsy update so here it is. I hope you are well and enjoying your summer.