Whew, what a week!

It's been one of those Mommy weeks. You know the kind that totally exhausts you and you haven't even done a lot of physical labor. It's my poor little brain that is so tired, well my brain and my heart. Not in a bad way, just in a very "worked out" sort of way. Am I making any sense? If not, just blame it on my "exercised" brain. We've had tons of rain and so the boys have been inside. It seems that once Spring comes and they are released from the confines of the house, if it rains and they are confined again they are like caged animals. Lord help the Zoo Keeper!

The very nature of how Matt and I parent lends itself to mental exhaustion. We understand that the first several years of a child's life they cannot really understand themselves and so we attempt to explain their hearts to them. This means we have to be very attentive to their motives etc.. so that we can "read" them properly. Lot's of issues are self-evident, but the energy of explaining it all is tiring. For example, if the boys are fighting over toys they know they are "breaking a house rule" but what they don't understand is that their hearts are acting out of greed and selfishness(greed on the part of the one taking the toy, selfishness on the part of the one insisting on keeping the toy). Sometimes I think, "Wouldn't it be easier to just tell them no, swat their tooshies and be done with it?" And yes it would, but I'm looking to get their hearts not just their actions. And so this has been a week of lots of training and explaining. It also has my mind thinking on what it is God, my heavenly father, wants from us.

On Monday we went to town, we got home right at nap time. I gave the boys instructions. I specifically told Josiah, "I need you to pick up the toys in the yard and then go in the house, because it's nap time." Several minutes later I was still outside and Josiah was nowhere to be found. I looked up at the house and he was sitting in the living room looking out the window. He had followed the letter of my law. I only specifically asked him to pick up the toys,and he had obeyed. I was not at all pleased with his legalistic approach to obedience. But I wasn't sure if he really had understood my intent so I asked him. "Josiah, what do you think Mommy wanted you to do after you picked up the toys?" He responded, "you probably wanted me to go potty and then go to bed." I affirmed this as true and explained that what will help me to really trust him and will in turn give him more freedom is if he will think about what Mommy would want him to do and then do it. Because there is no way I could ever give him enough instruction to cover every little detail in life and so I want him to learn to use his brain to do what he knows would be right.
That little scenario reminded me again of what I believe God wants from me. I'm not one bit interested in a relationship with my children that consists of them figuring out how much they have to do or how much they can get away with and still be following all my rules. I want their hearts. I don't think God is interested either in a relationship with his children that consists of us following the letter of the law and not reading his intent and thinking through what would be pleasing to him. He wants our hearts. If I am truly trusting him for my very salvation at the end of this life, if I am truly loving him with all my heart, mind, and soul it seems ridiculous to look at life through a lens which says, "Now what do I have to do or how much can I get away with?" It's as crazy as saying to my husband, "Now I know I can't commit adultery, but you never said anything about flirting."

So as you can see my brain has had it's work out this week. I'm looking forward to Friday night. Becca, Lora, and I are going to the Friday Night Crop at the local Scrapbooking store. It will be nice to have a few hours to relax and laugh with my girlfriends. My brain could use the break. :)