So here I am trying to be the first to pressure Spring into showing up. Actually, as I grow older I realize that even in the blah times our relationship with Jesus doesn't have to be. That while we may feel a force of blah and the "boredom" of just living, life can be real, alive and beautiful living in the peace of trusting Him in spite of everything else. I think that may be what Paul was talking about when he told us to let our moderation be known to all men. My understanding is that moderation is perhaps better understood in English as being "even keeled". So this notion of being on mountains and in valley all the time doesn't seem so necessary. I've had a couple weeks of learning. I'll share with you just a couple of the things I've been learning since my last post.I've learned that I can let education get boring. In just trying to "get things done" and the desire to mark the next thing off my list, I've let our learning get boring. So this week we started projects again.
I've also learned afresh that while the old saying "character is what you are when no one is looking" is true, that our true character is also revealed in times of pressure. We are studying the book of Mark in Sunday School and last week we read the account of Peter and the other disciples abandoning Jesus. My whole life I'd always looked at them as real losers for exiting the scene when Jesus needed them most. But last week our teacher said something that really opened my eyes. I won't try to quote him, but the basic point was that never before had the disciples been faced with this particular force. Jesus had always "taken on" his enemies and came out the "victor". His words always seemed to put any critic in their place. He healed the sick, came up with money, food, or a place to stay whenever they needed it and even avoided death a few times. The logical end in an ancient Jewish mind was for Jesus to continue to dominate and take the kingdom by storm. Then what they never saw coming happened and they were faced with a brand new force pushing buttons in their lives that had never been pushed. They reacted and their true character was revealed. That has happened to me many times and most recently about a week ago. I had a yucky spot in my character that I wasn't even aware existed, but the right forces came along and pushed new buttons and to my surprise a big ugly showed up. It had reared it's head before, but I always blew it off as a bad day, lack of sleep, or too much on my plate. But this time I realized that even with those excuses it didn't change the truth. While my plate may be full, the truth is what was revealed was the real me. Anybody can be pleasant or content or whatever in times of ease and low pressure, but it is in the times of pressure that the real me comes to the forefront. While it is painful to see these short comings, I really am thankful. It is in having these thing revealed that I become more like Jesus. I am made aware of my desperate need for Him and my utter dependence on Him. Not to mention, it makes me a better wife, mother, and friend.
And so I am learning everyday. And contrary to the insane idea that at some point we arrive and have it all together spiritually, I plan to continue to learn with God's help until the day that I die.
